


What Hurts the Most

by SerenityxGarrus



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening, Original Work, dark fantasy - Fandom
Genre: Character Death, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerenityxGarrus/pseuds/SerenityxGarrus
Summary: So… I had a very intense and heart wrenching dream that it has stayed with me all day. So I decided to write it. And while writing this I was shedding so many tears. Usually when I decide that a character of mine will die, it’s sad. I do cry for the actions that come with that sacrifice as I get attached to all my characters. But this one. This one consumed me while I was asleep and I woke up at 3am crying, sobbing, gasping for air because of the… intensity… of these characters and their grief. Tagging MV because in this dream was her Original Book Character named Rikko. He is known as the “Charming Bard” that my OC describes. I don’t know what is in store for Dragon Age 4, but this is what my mind decided to give me while I slept LOL. I guess I really want my Warden back so much that in the end i’m wondering if there will be a sacrifice our characters wouldn’t be able to opt out. Solas wanting to restore what was once lost, that’s a huge undertaking and it’s going to require a loss. Bioware is really good at that.Enjoy!
Relationships: Alistair/Amell (Dragon Age), Alistair/Female Warden (Dragon Age), Alistair/Warden (Dragon Age), Amell x Original Character
Kudos: 1





	What Hurts the Most

It was over. A long time battle, and it was a slow relief that washed over Thedas. To know that there would be a future. Wars would still wage and battles would be won or lost but for now, for now in this certainty, those things would happen in what is right now known as Thedas.

Unfortunately, for a one King of Ferelden, it meant little this victory. As he cradled his beloved in his arms. Soft exhales escaped her pink lips and pained sunset eyes gazed deep in her accepting forest green ones. 

“Alistair…” she whispered tired.

“Hang in there Vivi… we just need a healer, we need to get you help–”

“Alistair…” she whispers again. “It’s okay… it’s okay…” 

At her whisper he sheds a tear. And another. And another.

And she manages a small smile shakingly reaching up to wipe his tears as they fall on her cheek, leaving a stream down her olive skin.

“Don’t cry…” she says. “I’m not… worth your… tears… I’m nothing… special…”

Alistair pain turns into heart wrenching agony at hearing her words. 

“Don’t say that!” he nearly yells. “You are special to MANY people. You’re special to me!”

She closes her eyes, her small smile still in place. “A… charming bard… once… said the same… to me…” and when she opens her eyes again, sunset eyes are replaced with sea green ones.

“You are VERY special Vivianna…” Alistair whispers as he caresses her cheek, wiping away his tears that fell on her.

“Alistair…” she inhales sharply. “I’m… cold…” she begins to shiver. 

And Alistair tightens his hold on her. She is barely breathing under his neck.

“You’re… warm… very… warm…” she whispers barely hanging on. And she closes her eyes, a genuine smile appears and a single tear she sheds as her entire life flashes before her as well as both Alistair and the Charming Bard and their moments together come forth. And with it, the last words that escape her pink lips left her as a goodbye to the world: “Thank… you…”

“For what?” Alistair asks and pulls back, looking at her. “Vivi…?” and he gently shakes her. “Vivi?!” he shakes her again. Her small smile was the only thing staring back at him. 

A sob escapes him and then he shakes, anger courses through him and is hit smack with a pain he’s never felt before enough that tears through him to scream in agony. That’s what Gissella and Lilyann come running to. Alistair’s scream of unmeasurable grief. Lilyann’s legs give out, as she stares in disbelief. Gissella however, walks straight to Alistair and kneels down, placing her hands on Vivianna’s shoulders and shakes her. 

“Wake up Vivi!” she commands of her. “Wake up!” She begins to raise her voice and her shake becomes a little hard. “VIVIANNA!” she yells and begins to cry, “Maker out of all the souls why did you take hers?!” she cries out looking up at the sky in absolute pain.

And this pain. Oh this pain. This loss, reverberates to a sleeping Charming Bard in a far away place, in a time before our own. He awakens, gasping. And he sits up quickly. He feels suffocated. An immeasurable sorrow grips his heart. Makes it nearly impossible to get air. But he manages, somehow, as he bows his head, breathes in deep and exhales softly. Hands going to his face wondering what was that, when hears her soft hopeful voice in his ears. Calling to him in all ways she did. In the moments of pure joy, of anger, of sadness, of vulnerability, of passion. He hears his name. The way she says it. And he can’t help the single tear that falls.

_“Don’t cry…”_

And he looks up in shock at how close that was. How real that was. And she was there. Deep Green eyes staring back at him with that smile, that gave him peace, in a place far from his own. It’s all in his mind as she reaches to remove the single tear he allowed to escape.

_“I’m not worth your tears, Dearest… I’m nothing special…”_ she tells him, as she kneels before him to gaze into his tormented eyes.

“You are special…” he whispers tiredly gazing back. “You’re special to me…” 

And she smiles at him. That smile, that makes his heart beat. And it was in that small loving smile of hers, that realization grips his reality hard. This immeasurable sorrow, it only meant, that she was gone. 

“Oh gods… “ he whispers in grief, “gods…” and he grabs his chest, such pain. It was unbearable, unable to even stay seated. So he gets up, fingers combing his hair back as he stares at the starry night sky and the stars blur in his vision as the tears well up in his eyes. His back meets against a tree, where he slides down, staring at the blur of stars and a sob escapes him. A frustrated cry tears out of him. Sleep no longer embraced him and the soft spring breeze carried his cries throughout that night.

****

She was beautiful. Laid out in the stone table made for her. Her rich curly brown hair extended out, with red rose petals adorning her curls. She was dressed without armor for this day. This day, she was going as her close friends and family knew her. Not as a warrior. Or a mage. Or even as the Hero of Ferelden. Or Hero of Thedas now. But as hope that kindled their hearts and guided their souls. She wore a simple peach pink colored silk dress with soft green embroidery. In her hands that laid on her stomach, she held the Red Rose that Morrigan helped preserve. The gift of Alistair and his deep love for her. On her neck was a very thin golden necklace with a small emerald tear dangling from the chain. No one knows where it came from, but it was among her things, and felt right to place it on her today.

Alistair gave a eulogy. One that he didn’t care if it sounded too personal. Too close. Even with the Queen beside him. This loss shattered him. And for once, in a very long time, he was transparent. Vulnerable to the people around him. He wasn’t a King at that moment. He wasn’t a Grey Warden either. He was just Alistair. Bastard of King Maric. The way she knew him.

With a heavy heart, he ended what he had to say. Allowed everyone to say something. And for the first time, he even got to meet her Mother. Oh. Her mother. She was every bit like her daughter. Refined. Graceful. Soft-Spoken. The same intense and fierce green eyes were in her mother. The same curls, the hair color. She was just lighter than Vivianna. But it was like looking at an older version of Vivianna. What Vivianna would have wanted when she was a child. A lady of her house. And she stepped close to the stone table. It all seemed so surreal to them all. Her mother shedding tears over her daughter.

“I’m so proud of you my firefly…” she whispered to her daughter. “May you be resting at the Maker’s side my beloved child…” And she reached, her pink lips reached, to her daughter’s forehead and left a soft kiss on her cold olive skin, in which she shed tears. The pain of a mother losing her child before even she said goodbye to this world, that was a pain that while not many understood, it still ached beyond anything imaginable.

Morrigan was the one that guided her mother away from the table. And Alistair, beckoned for his guards to take her to the strawed boat that awaited her. Lilyann followed behind Alistair and paused as he instructed the guards to move and he looked at his beloved. He sniffed, a shaky hand touching her cold cheek. She still had that small loving smile. She looked so peaceful. And that distressed him. How at peace she looked. This was how she said goodbye. No sadness. No anger. No regrets. Just a smile. A peaceful smile.

“Farewell… Rose of my life…” he whispered brokenly and inched close to her face, giving her one last kiss on her forehead, closing his eyes, the tears falling. And he pushed the boat, further into the unforgiving cold waters of Lake Calenhad. It seemed fitting that where she began, she would be buried in it as well. At first he hesitated. He wasn’t truly ready to let go. But in the midst of his hesitation he swore he could feel her. Her embrace. Feel her peace. Her love. It was enough to let go of the boat. And he watched as a single arrow of fire impaled itself in her boat and set it aflame.

Her mother hummed the melody she used to sing to her daughter when she was a child, holding her hands together in prayer as Morrigan was her rock. Everyone else, just listened to her mother. Watching as the boat was engulfed into a bright fire. And they all looked up to the sunset sky, for the first time, praying together, that she be at the Maker’s side.

And this same sunset across a lake was being stared down by devastated sea green eyes in this far distant time. He looked at his hands, a seed that belonged to a peach he just ate, was in the palm of his hand, in the other a red rose. He turned around and began to dig a small hole nearby, and placed the peach seed in it, covering it with the earth. And placed the red rose above it.

_“Rikko…”_

And he turns to look at the lake, where she is staring back at him with that fond smile he loves so much. The sunset casting her an ethereal glow. She looked so pure in her peach pink dress with soft green embroidery, flowing softly in the wind. So at peace. And he approaches, slowly, this hauntingly beautiful ghost. And he gazes at her with tears streaming down his face. He reaches for her, knowing that she wasn’t there but still, he does anyway and she leans into his hand as if she was there.

He takes a shuddering breath. He isn’t prepared. Nothing really truly prepares you for these moments. But he has to try. As selfish as he wants to be, he had to let her go, for good. For her to rest.

“You are special…” he manages to speak somehow under the overwhelming pain. “You are always going to be special… to me..” and he closes his eyes letting the sunset warmth envelop him. And he could feel her. At this moment. He could feel her embrace. Her love. And he feels peace wash over him. His heart isn’t so heavy in this one, precious, moment. “Be at peace…” he whispers in woe as he opens his eyes to stare at the sunset, the way it made the lake sparkle, made the green trees, the flowers and the grass vibrant. And the spring breeze carrying his last words to her: _“Mia ragazza…”_


End file.
